Who am I?

Who am I? I thought one baby was hard and now I have two. Two humans to look after day and night, twenty four hours a day. Two little people with completely different needs who just want me. ALL THE TIME! 

Who am I? I birthed a second human only 72 hours ago. I am exhausted, sleep deprived in a way I could not think was possible and still have to get up and look after two tiny humans.

When do I get to rest? When do I get to be me? But wait...who am I?

I don't know who I am anymore. I remember learning that I might get the baby blues at three days postpartum but this feels different. I can't remember who I am anymore. I know I'm a mum...but who was I before this? 

I have these tiny people to look after and I love them so much but I have lost myself. I can't remember anything past them. What I like, what I eat, what I read, or where I just want to go. Who am I? I love being a mum. I grew and birthed these two amazing boys but I want to know WHO I AM. Where have I gone? I feel scared not knowing this. Almost like I woke up and I disappeared. Like an episode of Black Mirror but I can't see an ending to the episode. I feel different. I'm not sure if it's good or bad or any type of emotion. I just feel like I want to cry. Cry and sleep...sleep what's that? Nothing makes sense and I can't understand how I am feeling. Immense amounts of love but also a huge concoction of sadness. Why is this happening? I'm happy but I'm sad. A mixture of emotions that shouldn't mix together right? 

Who am I...

Please tell me that I will know the answer to this one day. To be me again, if that's even possible. Will it be the old me or new me? I don't care I just want to know who I am. 

My new normal.

​That's what this is. 

One day I will know who I am. 

Old, same or new me. 

I will be ME. 

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