I am going to readily admit I am rubbish at doing enough for me. I obviously tell people to do it as I've been a massage therapist for almost 9 years but I do not practice what I preach. Before children I did I loved getting massages more than anything but once my boys came along it steadily declined. Priorities change and my self care had to change. Now I get a massage maybe every 3 months...eek feel ashamed to admit that! BUT my husband does give me massages as he is also a massage therapist and I massage him too so even though it's not as relaxing as we chat it still counts in my books.
What do I do for self care now I have children? Alone time. For me just having some peace and quiet alone, not cleaning the house, is pure bliss. At the moment Love Island, yes I said it, is my zoning out time where no one can disturb me and I completely shut off and have a laugh. Every 3-4 weeks I get a pedicure which is so lovely and that's one hour of pampering I can do and not have a heart attack over the price. But at the moment my biggest self care hobby is exercise. After our second was born he ruined my body. He was so big, 10.10lbs, and I felt so hungry pregnant and breastfeeding that I just couldn't shift the weight and I put a lot on. When I stopped breastfeeding when he was 15 months old (he is now 22 months old) I finally got my fitness bug back on. I don't go to classes where the kids come along it would just stress me out and defeats the purpose in my eyes. I go for one hour and I completely focus and get my A game on and I LOVE it. It's not selfish. It's what I need.
So find that "thing" that gives you the self care you need. No matter what it is just find that time, consume yourself in it and enjoy it. No matter how small or big, it will give you the time that you need to be the best you can be and when you have small people to look after you need to be at your best.
#self care #toolsforlife #setanexample #findyourthing #antenatalteacher #positivecoach #positivebirthcoach #realistic #enjoylife #supporteachother #mumssupportingmums #hypnobirthing #parenthood #azeetanielsenpreandpostnatal #azeetanielsen
This is such a good question and an impossible one to answer but lets give it a little go. First thing I always say is have a really good birth preference; NOT BIRTH PLAN. Just an A4 sheet and make two copies so you can slot one into the front of your antenatal folder and keep a second one for if there is a midwife shift change. If you have a really good birth preference sheet you can simply go through it in depth with your antenatal teacher, hypnobirthing teacher, doula or midwife for all your options and to help you make some informed choices. It also makes birth realistic and you can have key discussions in place so you can be educated and not shocked if birth doesn't go to "plan".
If you aren't getting the supportive care you envisioned then seek out some antenatal support with a teacher you bond with. It is amazing we have the NHS in this country but they do not have the resources to give us the one to one care you would get privately. But one to one care can be invaluable in some form or the other. If you want someone at your birth then a doula is a fantastic route to go. You can have two birth partners remember! Also don't forget you can have a postnatal doula as well; do not undervalue how much emotional and physical help you might need post-birth. Hypnobirthing teachers not only teach you hypnosis for your pregnancy and birth but also teach you quite an in depth into what you also learn at other antenatal courses such as the NCT. Not as thorough but still invaluable and you could also see if they will be at your birth!
Pick an antenatal class. Whether it be at the hospital through the NHS or an NCT class pick one. I had a client recently who said she just avoided all the classes and thought ignorance was bliss but this was far from the truth. She had a really traumatic birth and regrets not doing an antenatal class which is such a shame. But she is pregnant again and on the ball this time, yay.
Positive energy. May sound silly but just being positive can do wonders for you. The big question I get from clients is "What is your biggest tip for when in labour?". My answer is "Don't get caught up in the moment but think ahead as this process means your baby is finally on the way". It's easy to get flustered and dread a contraction coming on but what if instead of this you focus on how many breaths you could do in one contraction? It will then fly by. Learn the positive energy and relaxation tools for coping and be open to your labour moving in different directions. But make sure whoever is looking after you in labour keeps you informed, part of the process and has your best interests at heart.
Birth is a big journey. Just look forward to it :)
We have all been utterly and emotionally traumatised by the news recently about basic human rights being completely and utterly shot with families being torn apart when crossing the Mexico/US border. You would think basic human rights would of been logically used here or at least compassion but it took a complete media uproar across the world to make a change that should of never ever ever happened in the first place.
What about human rights in childbirth? As you can see from the picture this little book is a must read. So many women I see reflect on their births with trauma because their basic human rights have been breeched. The big problem is that we don't necessarily know what our rights are until we realise too late.
Childbirth educators across the country, and the world, are trying to make this a key factor towards having a positive birth. By positive I don't mean the "natural birth" experience but one where you feel empowered, informed, listened to and above all else that your human rights in childbirth were executed. I'm doing a course next week called the rewind technique that deals with birth trauma and how to overcome the trauma but it makes me sad that this is a technique that is so needed because birth trauma is so prevalent and so real.
However, childbirth education is huge. With so many places to go and people you can see to help you on your journey we really are spoilt for choice. A lot of people don't know the NCT can subsidise places on their courses so if you can't afford it but want to join then pop them a message. Local hospitals have free classes and a lot of hospitals are also offering subsidised hypnobirthing and alternative therapies. For me I have to click with my teacher and I think my clients have to click with me too so find that person you click with, form that bond and let them be your rock. Let them be your village!
Learn about your human rights in childbirth, be the badass woman you are and rock that birth no matter what path it takes. Don't let your basic human rights be taken away.
"Birth is a women's issue, birth is a power issue; therefore birth is a feminist issue", Sarah J Buckley MD, author of gentle birth, gentle mothering.
#childbirth #humanrightsinchildbirth #beinformed #educateyourself #badasswomen #pregnancy #childbirtheducator #womensrights #hypnobirthing #antenatal #hertford #ware #muswellhill #northlondon #azeetanielsen #azeetanielsenpreandpostnatal
This is the question I always get. Why do a hypnobirthing course? What makes it unique to all the other courses out there? The simple answer is it gives you the full package. Most people google hypnobirthing and think it’s just going to be a bit of hypnotherapy. But it is so much more! The full course is an antenatal course. The classes cover hypnosis, acknowledging pain, mind body connection, relaxation tools, anchoring, power of the birth partner, prenatal bonding, full birth plan writing, birth choices, massage...the list goes on and on. Why do I teach it? Because I know it works. I have two hypno babies and the power hypnobirthing had on making my births positive is completely amazing. I was very sceptical first time round but second time round I re did the course because of the profoundly positive effect it had first time round and boy was it. First time round my husband couldn’t find the hypnobirthing MP3’s but my midwife luckily understood that I was doing hypnobirthing and she dimmed the room, got me in the pool and played some lovely hypnotic music and the 6 hours flew by! Second time round I had my amazing doula @cianfini. Again my husband did not know where the MP3’s were but when she walked in, I was also induced so surges came on quick, she pressed play and I was completely entranced. This time to the music I had been practising with throughout my pregnancy and my anchor was my husband. He had to be by me or have his hand on me or I suddenly felt pain. How fascinating? I remember it so well and we had the greatest honour of having it filmed so I watched it back and seeing the effect hypnobirthing had for my personal journey is something I treasure forever. So that’s why a hypnobirthing course is worth the time and investment. It is for you and your baby. It is the best tool for your mind and body to make sure you are informed, prepared and ready to meet your baby in the most positive way possible. For more info: www.azeetanielsen.co.uk/hypnobirthing
I am really really tired. The last few weeks have been tough. There have been some deaths that hit me harder than I thought. I don't deal well with death so I tend to glaze over it and then I suddenly become very sad a week later. But then Charlie got slapped cheek virus which was very apt timing. So I have been tired and feeling emotionally miserable for the last week. With children this is really hard as your feelings have to take a bit of a step back. The problem with this for someone like me is I have OCD which developed after my second child. I have alway's been quite tidy but after Charlie was born it felt so overwhelming and I haven't been able to stop thinking about anything and everything. There is no shut off light. So with all these feelings, no sleep at night from a poorly boy and dealing with the emotions of death it can all become quite strangling.
I have a tic when I'm stressed that no one picked up on when I was younger. I used to strain my neck a lot and it would bring on headaches but as time went on this stopped. The last few months it's my forehead. I lift up my brows and it is a really repetitive motion when I can really feel my OCD raging inside me. Today for example I am still tired so it is on overdrive and I really just want to rearrange the whole of upstairs. Isn't that ridiculous? I could just take the kids swimming or to the farm but my head and my body just can't. So I am going to have to do it for the sake of myself and for the sake of them.
This is why I am drained and writing a very honest post. Not a post pointing out why life is amazing but a post about why I am still real, still allowed to feel this way but still going to be able to deal with it and move on. Because feeling rubbish is real and normal. But being able to let it out, understand it and deal with the emotions is the tough part and we all do it differently.
I let it out.
It's my breath.
I can move on.
This is our youngest boy Charlie. He has had a really harsh winter and now spring of constant illnesses but this is what happens when you have a brother who is at preschool. I feel for him as he had surgery in November 2017 which knocked his immune system for a few months and he has been plagued with some sort of virus ever since.
I would say the hardest thing about being a parent is when your kids are sick. It stops you in your tracks, your heart becomes flooded with emotions, they rely on you completely for the next 48 hours at least and you have to somehow manage to carry on with everything in life whilst having a little person attached to you. Don't even get me started on when both children are sick! That is just a ship yourself off to grandparents if you can day.
But one thing I do realise when my boys are ill is that they are such troopers. We as adults tend to complain and roll into bed for a few days and feel the world has ended. But kids are so resilient. They still want to explore and play. They still want to giggle. They still want to live life. They may have fevers which means TV bound but once they come out of it they suddenly grab that scuttlebug and zoom around the house until they bring on another fever. Their little bodies still somehow manage to keep the fun going. It doesn't just stop, which I absolutely adore.
So I am taking a page out of their books this week and I have been trying to bring the fun back into life. I work really hard as that's what I love to do. Without it I would be very lost I realised quite recently. I listened to Fearne Cotton's podcast with Gok Wan recently and I completely resonated with it. They work hard because it is their life. They love it, they want to immerse themselves in it and it keeps them sane. Bang on! For me it can consume me and it has been so I am taking that fun page and I have started taking snippets where I just relax, laugh and enjoy life. Because that's what life is about. Why live and not enjoy?
Looking through the eyes of a child can be so healing and reflective x
I am currently really tired from being woken up at 4.45am by my youngest because he wanted to watch TV. But both my boys are asleep and should wake soon so I wanted to take this time to write as my OCD goes into overdrive when I'm tired.
The other day I posted about birth and had written that I had two natural births. By this I meant vaginal, but that's not something everyone wants to read, and in the birthing world the word 'natural' is used for this. This really hit a friend's heart as she felt really let down by that word as why should her caesareans not be natural? I totally totally agree. I have alway's had a problem with the term natural birth. Everyone wants one. Not everyone will get one. Is that so wrong? The whole point of doing birth preparation classes and hypnobirthing is to prepare you to become a master in relaxation and to use those tools to have coping strategies and a positive and empowering outlook for birth. Not to plan to have a particular birth that is 100% going to go your dreamt up way. We have no way in knowing how that day, or few days, is going to go. We should not plan. We should have a preference!
So I changed my post and instead decided to just put their weights. What I was originally trying to do was highlight that big babies can indeed be born vaginally which seems on the contrary to many doctors. But the fact the term 'natural' on my post could make another mum feel like a failure really hit me. That is the opposite of my goal in life. Especially as an empath I feel everything and I have problems letting emotions float away. So I want to highlight that a 'natural' birth does not mean what you think it means. It simply means 'vaginal' and we should say that...VAGINAL..!All births are so beautiful but it's how you feel about it after that's important. No matter what course it takes if you feel positive, empowered, listened to, respected, heard and happy then you rocked that birth.
Let's celebrate all births for the beauty that they are.
This is Charlie. You wouldn't look at him and think "Wow he is massive!" But he was. He is our second and he was born naturally, with no drugs, me standing and squatting at 10.10lbs. I couldn't believe it, daddy couldn't believe it and the midwife could not believe it. I was induced with Charlie as he just wasn't budging and I was okay with it. When labour finally started it only took four hours. I started out on the ward then suddenly the surges hit me like BAM. Out of nowhere and a midwife ran in and said "Do you need gas and air love" to which I replied " YES HURRY". You see I love gas and air I will not hide that fact! It has got me through both my labours so it is my dream pain reliever.
Once I was in established labour I couldn't think properly and my husband couldn't find the Wise Hippo MP3's on my phone of course. But then Tamara, my doula, turned up and the music came on. I can not describe how different the room looked. I went quiet, I started swaying and I needed my husband to hold me even just a gentle touch with his hand the entire time. The minute he let go I felt pain flood through me. How incredible! I still look back on it and can't quite understand how this hypnobirthing malarky works but it is THE single handedly best thing I ever did before the birth of my boys.
So why a relax, breathe and birth session?
If you are unsure about doing the whole course, maybe lack the funds, lack the time or just want to have some ME time that you deserve this is the class for you. I did the full hypnobirthing courses with my births as it was right for me (much to the dismay of my hubby) but if I have another I might only do this one off class so I can refocus my mind about how natural, positive and beautiful birth is and can be. You get to fully focus on you and baby for two and a half hours where we will talk about fear release, birthing your baby and birth planning, relaxation and breathing tools for birth and for life and of course do some wonderful scripts followed by obligatory tea and cake.
Remember it is about the right birth on the day not about having the picture perfect water birth walk straight out and home type of birth we fantasise about. It is about feeling empowered, listened to and positive about how your birth turns out.
I had the right births for me...so can you x
Spring showed itself yesterday and how wonderful it was. I am a mum of two young boys and the saying "my boys need to be walked twice a day" really is a fact. Winter has been really hard as we were all ill all the time. Our youngest also had a small surgery in November, which was emotional, so everyone has really felt the winter blues. But yesterday was a different day. We went out just in jumpers...no coats! We all ran straight to the park twice yesterday and spent as long as we could there before one of us got hungry or thirsty. It was utter bliss!
Charlie, our youngest, is eighteen months old and we recently admitted defeat that he is one tough cookie to handle. He is in that much loved stage by every parent called Tantrum Gate. This isn't a normal cry for ten minutes this is constant crying and throwing his whole body around for forty five minutes or more! Yep, forty five minutes. But go outside and he is an absolute darling. So yesterday was the first day in a long time my husband came home from work and I said "hunny I had the most wonderful day with the children" and I am not ashamed to admit that is a rare sentence. It was just so wonderful we went from swings, to slide, to exploring the mounds, entering the woods and then pulling Charlie out before he went into the stinging nettles. Being out with the sun on our faces and fresh air in our lungs was just what we needed to recharge. It made my children "normal" children...whatever that is.
So, I am looking forward to the warmer weather coming in and hopefully being able to say we are having amazing days everyday as sometimes children and adults just need a bit of sun to get the oxytocin running again.
Today is mum day.
I am a mum of two boys aged 18 months and 3.5 years. I love them to bits and MORE but half of me is also a working woman. I absolutely love my job, which isn't alway's the case for some, so I feel very fortunate to be able to go to work and look forward to it. This is what happens when I am at home with the boys but they both fortunately nap in the middle of the day. I make sure the house is tidy enough before they sleep so I can completely focus on work.
Yesterday I had a lovely honest and open chat with a dear dear friend and this came up. How do we as mums switch off our mum hat for our work hat? For me I am self employed so I had to go back to work slowly when they were both only 5 months old. First time round that was really hard I cried a lot and thought I would never be ME again. But second time was much much easier and over time I can switch my mum hat off and put my work hat on. Anyway, sorry I'm a bit sleep deprived with this time change, my point is that it takes time to learn things and switch between those hats so take that time and it will come. Don't rush things and get annoyed at yourself if you can't switch those hats. Give yourself time to learn how to do it again. It might only be 3 minutes to start with but those 3 minutes are amazing.
Right back to work 😊